Trees and electricity poles that line the road are still the same in this homing, chasing after each other like never-ending runners in my wake. Rubber trees still stand side with the tall coarse grass and their white cotton flowers, covering the hilly landscape on either side of the road. Some have been cut down, leaving the homing to the valley clear, opening widely to the view of the small town where i grow up. But still, this way does not comuflage from me the feeling of every half-forgotten homing ritual. I am at the peak of my weariness after riding bundles of seconds, minutes, hours and the cronies.
The dumb, Time is as a wild wind that blows in the early morn of the loneliness. It is as an arrow that loves the bow. It is as a bird that flies under the blue sky. Ai am terrifically exhausted in my every step, in which horse of time explodes with million of energy. Indeed its sometimes caresses me softly, but it actually forces me into nothing.
Under the brightness of night lamps, along exotic city buildings. I sang lullabies while the world seemed to be right in my hand. I lived in a glory of day, whwn each second i breathed turned into golden coins that fell into my arms. Music in every corner of the globe whistled for my ears for luxury. The red carpets! For sure, they were widened to welcome each step of my success on the first floor of the highest skyscraper, served in the most sparkling first-class crystal glasses. And i sipped droops of the wealth of life.
But the dumb, the more i sip, the more i thrist. Gallons of watter i pour, but the fire of greed is flaming dark red, laughing at my evergreen desire. Stupidity! I shout it to my face in the reflection of calm, at the times i helped my self to contemplate for a moment. But its never last longer than aminute as it is shadowed by vain arrogance that ask me to recite,”Let the worrld be my first and i will devour it all.”
But the dumb say again, The more I gain, the more I lost. The richer i am, the last i understand what life is. I cannot seem to grasp happiness, true happiness, in houses, cars, jewelery, etc. That you said I, who need no more, should possess. Each number in triumphant-smile checks only traps me inside a net of painful loneliness. In every part i see thorns waving their sharp sword for murder. Every second i move to escape, every millisecond the thorns coil tighter and tear everything up. I cry without tears but with the blood from my insulted feelings.
Then i am homing, the dumb, with tears of uncertanty about the future, i am homing this afternoon in the windy twilight above the entire border of eart and sky. I am in a yacht of clouds within a condensation of scars. Look! I am crying. I am shaking! I am collapsing! My bare feet lose their power as my sweat turn into stones that burden me so heavily. I am walking on my knees.
I yearn to pose these questions to you. Directly! More questions probably, even more and again! Why must the sun be broken when the night welcomes darkness? Why is Luna shy to the morning that breaks, while i wish to put side aside the moon, stars, morn and twilight that i love so much in the basket of my happiness? Why must the wind cut of longing into pieces of tears that hurt my understanding? Why does time truly become a sword that an arabian draws on her right? Oh the dumb, why is the world filled with words that are asking, probing, questioning, even haggling to lead me into incomprehension?
Why? Why the dumb?!
Bombarded by these inquiries, you are only dumb, speecheless from the tone of the letters that you usually sing aloud. No move that indicate you to gesture your intention, as there is no room for the wind to resonate in the vocal track of my mind. You are trapped in the silence of the crowded life. No voices, no utterances that i really want to hear nicely, calling my nickname. I am counting how many times your lips utter y name, my nickname!
But the dumb,
I am lost in comprehension, unable to interpret your dumbness, ever since you began mumbling your silence. It was after my firts homecoming, whwn i arrived in a coach of sparkling diamonds, from the, from the hard work i saw from time to time. The boxes were also your suggestion, where i could keep thousands of pennies from the sweat i shed several miles a second. But then, when i brought them before you, you only cried, saying that you were done running after life, and you felt that death was on its way to you.
That hurts, has been hurting me all this time, ever since the moment i possibly wanted to make you happy, giving back every prayer in the thankfulness. Not only giving back, but also sacrificing all i did for you, for what you did for me. But it could not wash away your desperateness as you began to speak without words, only with tears for something that is strage to me, not drops for my success or sadness, or for accompanying the prayers you recited for me. Then for what reason do i sprint for more?
I am tired of persuading you to smile, the dumb, to release the clouds under your eyes. I have begged but you always refuse to speak, as if you want to save your breath, to gain a little bit more time in life. You cannot answer my quetions, as i always meet and greet an abundance of things that force me to think.
I go away, the dumb, to have a cuo of coffee with people ang i ask a questions that is almost frozen. But then, every person who ask probably has arranged a conspiracy with you, and turns into the dumb also! Relatives, colleagues, friend, bureaucrats, lecturers, conductors, drug dealers, and other are like you! They stop speaking each time i probe, while the loudness of music of booming into space, approaching the seventh sky, deafening all the ears of the dumb.
Then, God, should i turn my questions directly to you in this desperate feeling of broken soul? You sayying nothing, but i am sure that you are there, taking a glances at me, who walk in desperate steps of my homing to the gate of your embrance, leading me into the day-after, when we can have a warm conversations as your fingers wipe away my broken tears. And here i am, homing to you, the home town of the entire soul.....
